Alarming Female

A student of mine is searching for a research topic and is interested in the term “feminism” but wants to know what the opposite term would be. He explains that he wonders what it’s called when one supports men’s rights based on the concept that men deserve equal rights, just like women.

I explain gently that the term “feminism” was coined to address the oppression of women, and that there isn’t wide scale oppression of men in the world because one cannot be oppressed if one has most of the power. I try to help him understand that, by definition, “oppression” implies being held down against one’s will, which can only be done to one with less power than the oppressor.

This is a smart kid–perhaps even “gifted,” raised in an ultra-conservative household. I know of children like this; they’re idealistic, concerned with fairness, and relatively capable of abstract thought. Therefore, he can conceive of this other concept, and thinks it unfair that there is no word for it. He wasn’t persuaded by my explanation. I’ll admit I was a bit frustrated. Perhaps I should explain the definition of “chauvinism.”

Another student, a girl, is studying issues of feminism today, and is in constant conflict with her boyfriend over this. He wants to know why HE gets blamed for everything whenever she starts researching this topic. She says that when she reads about feminism, she expresses her outrage and he takes it personally and then tells her to choose another topic because this one makes her so “upset.”

Gently, I suggest to him that perhaps he could respond differently. Perhaps he could commiserate with her as to the issues of oppression women face. Perhaps he could try to be less defensive. He replies that there is “nothing [he] can do about it.” I suggest that perhaps he could notice sexism more, and speak out about it. He’s defensive because it’s “not my fault; I don’t oppress women; women can run for president” and doesn’t understand what else there is to do. We’ve removed the legal barriers, haven’t we?

He demands to know examples of institutionalized sexism but he narrows “institutionalized” to mean only actual policies that exclude women. I give him the US military and professional basketball, then throw in dry cleaning and altering fees, and he agrees he’s never considered those.

Any suggestions, wise ones? How do I explain this without ruffling the feathers of my constituency?