I was not looking forward to today and had no illusions about the likelihood we’d reach an agreement. To my surprise, we did. My attorney says the divorce could be final next week.
As I sit here alone, surrounded by people in a busy restaurant and sipping a glass of very nice Lebanese wine, I turn my thoughts to my nearly defunct (but for the legal formalities) marriage. My little notebook that has been my companion for the past three years awaits my pen while I take a moment to collect my thoughts and sort out my feelings.
While I’m decidedly content and grateful that the whole ordeal seems to be coming to an end, I can’t help but feel a lump in my throat for the loss we’ve all experienced.
Especially James. He has suffered most of all.
I hope that the cordiality and spirit of compromise that marked today but that has been sadly lacking throughout most of this process can carry over—at least through our inevitable meetings that will mark the milestones of our children’s lives.
I never understood why it had to be so painful.
The unbidden memories that come to mind are vague and consist mostly of two little boys who were endless sources of delight and wonder to both of their parents. They deserved better than they got.
Though I suppose we did the best we could.
Comments 15
I think you do just fine by your sons. You are a terrific mother. You always put them first and you will continue to be their strong foundation.
Posted 26 Apr 2008 at 4:26 am ¶Good news - I hope it will all finally be taken care of, and you can move on with freedom.
Posted 26 Apr 2008 at 7:35 am ¶I’m so glad you’re finally getting closure here. *hugs*
Posted 26 Apr 2008 at 8:31 am ¶ahh, laurie, i’m so glad this part is over (almost). look forward, honey — and try to realize how lucky your boys are for having you as a mom. we never feel that we’ve done enough for them, and when they have to suffer one tiny little bit, it tears us up, doesn’t it? you know you’ve raised them to have all the right things inside, and they’ll get through this all just fine. just like you.
Posted 26 Apr 2008 at 11:59 am ¶Much love. I’m glad that this milestone has finally come and wish you years of peace and happiness.
Posted 26 Apr 2008 at 3:37 pm ¶Hooray for good news.
Apart and at peace is better than together and miserable. Kids can sense it and I’m sure they’ll be great, with you there to help them.
Posted 26 Apr 2008 at 3:39 pm ¶I am glad for you that you can at least put some closure to that chapter in your life. With wishes for nothing but happy times to come.
I feel sure, just from the little bit that I have met and know your 2 boys from things you’ve said about them, they are turning out more than “just okay”. And I also feel sure that is very much in part to you and your mom duties on their behalf.
Hugs!
Posted 27 Apr 2008 at 10:45 am ¶I’m glad the meeting went toward “pleasant surprise” and that this is drawing to a close. Onward to the next challenges. We out here in the audience are confident you did the best you could.
Posted 27 Apr 2008 at 3:47 pm ¶Unreal that it might almost be over. I hope everything goes through well, and that there are no last minute surprises.
Posted 27 Apr 2008 at 8:41 pm ¶I have just started reading your blog and I just finished your Come Dancing socks, I love them! I’l post a picture on Ravelry very soon.
I too went through a painful divorce when my children were just 9, 7 and 5. They are now 25, 23 and 21 and despite a few bumps in the road, are well adjusted normal adults human beings. So in the months and years ahead when you feel like you are losing your mind and you can’t go on….look ahead and know there is light, love and happiness and the end of the tunnel. You just have to keep moving forward…
All the best to you and thank you for your lovely sock patterns!
Posted 28 Apr 2008 at 7:52 am ¶I’m glad to hear the mediation went well. You have such a positive spirit - I know your boys pick up on that, and I’m sure they’ll be fine.
Posted 28 Apr 2008 at 8:00 am ¶I’m so glad you’re finally getting closure! Your boys are lucky to have you for a mother.
Posted 28 Apr 2008 at 11:56 am ¶Oh, Laurie, your two boys have you, and in that they are very lucky! I hope that you have all found a way to have a more peaceful coexistence. (hugs)
Posted 28 Apr 2008 at 5:03 pm ¶Congratulations on your ultimate ability to mediate your case. The entire process can be very painful and it is understandable that you have some trepidation about the future.
If co-parenting and visitation issues arise after the divorce, you may consider using the collaborative law process. It is a much more peaceful way to approach legal matters and with the help of a child specialist and collaborative lawyers, all of whom work together cooperatively under a vow of NO Litigation or Court Involvement, you may be able to build a strong post-divorce parenting relationship with your ex.
Good luck.
Posted 29 Apr 2008 at 10:25 am ¶Helene
The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide
http://themodernwomansdivorceguide.com
Hi Laurie, your post brought back memories for me. I remember how bittersweet my final divorce decree was, and how all the memories of a family that once was all came flooding back to me. My kids were teens at the time, and it was rough, but we made it. And so will you. Sending big hugs your way.
Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 12:40 pm ¶Post a Comment